Why Am I Doing This To Myself?
by BethyBoo97
Summary: Written from Sandra's point of view. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS


I opened my eyes to find myself in another place I didn't recognise. I rubbed my eyes in attempt to make them open properly. Suddenly I found myself wide awake but I still had no idea where I was, this is when I realised the arm that was wound around my waist. I knew I was with someone; I always was when I was like this but every time I still felt disappointed with my self and slightly shocked.

I knew exactly who I was with, this wasn't safe. This was the opposite of how I played relationships. All my life I've had relationships with men who I knew weren't available, this was different.

"Sandra?" The man asked from behind me. What the hell was I doing? This wasn't me. This man was single and it defiantly was not something that I could easily walk away from. I never get involved from anyone that I can't easily get away from, from something that there isn't a build in escape route. I always told men I was with at any point in my life that I didn't do soppy calls, I didn't chat during work, and I didn't want to meet their family.

Last night I'd broken all my rules. The feeling in my stomach was a mix of guilt and worry.

I turned over to face him; his face was a look of pure worry. "Yes?" I asked him. His face moved closer to mine while the arms he had around me tried to pull me closer. I didn't know what to do, but instinct must have taken over because the next thing I knew, I was kissing him back as he tried to pull me even closer. I pulled back, my heart was racing, I buried my head into his chest, the feeling inside me was an odd feeling. The worry and guilt was still there but there was this new strange warm feeling in my stomach, it made me feel all warm and happy. Something which most defiantly shouldn't have been happening. God last night shouldn't have happened.

I pushed the duvet that was covering me down and climbed out of the bed picking up my discarded clothes from last night. I turned away as I got dressed back into last nights clothes, I felt slightly embarrassed, a feeling I wasn't used to. I could sense him watching me so I finally turned around to look at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. I gave him the look that I'm sure he was used to by now, the one I meant as in 'yes when am I not?!' "Sandra you don't need to pretend with me." I had to turn around, I couldn't face this, and I knew exactly where this was going. Somewhere it really shouldn't be. I could feel my face turning red as I tried to figure out how the hell I could get out of here. It was too late.

"Sandra, we've known each others years now, and I've just never known how to tell you how I actually feel. Last night, I don't know it just felt right."

Oh God what had I done?! Yesterday had been a weird day, I'd gone to the pub and for some reason I'd only invited him, I don't know why. We'd drunk a little bit but I wouldn't say I was tipsy and he certainly didn't seem it. I decided to drive him home and I could pick him up for work at the moment. When I pulled up out his house and the next thing I can remember is we were kissing before he invited me in. I don't know why, I guess I wasn't thinking straight and that kiss had done something to me so I accepted. Then I wake up in his bed.

"Sandra I have always really liked you, loved you even."

"Please don't do this." I turned and told him.

"Why not Sandra? Come 'ere." I didn't know what to do so I sat next to him on the bed. He pulled me back into his side and for some reason he just made me feel comfortable and safe, so I curled up into him. "I know you feel the same way otherwise last night would never have happened. This can work, I love you Sandra."

"I don't know what to say Gerry." I told him as I looked up into his eyes before reaching up and kissing him.

"Don't say anything." He told me as I pulled away from his body.

We kissed again. He knew exactly how I felt, there was no point denying it anymore.

**I hope this is okay as it's a bit different to my normal kind of story so I'm sorry if it's really bad. Reviews welcome as always.**

**Beth xxx**


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